I’m almost at a loss for words, blank screen having a stare down with me here… it feels incredibly surreal to be writing this after thinking that perhaps our little family was complete and since i’ve also started heading into my 40’s but as we have my bump has begun sharing our news with close friends and family, it feels a little more real with each congratulation. Surreal and real. I’ve shared more of the beginning details in THIS Part 1 POST but the words still need to be said – I’m 15 weeks pregnant!! WE have adopted another snowflake baby and ARE fast growing into A FAMILY OF 5!
I blame it on the guinea fowl! 🙂
It started with me NOTICING – a few close friends teetering around their 40’s and rocking pregnancy (i’ll also drop names like Joanna Gaines and Mama Natural to that wannabe friends list). Noticing (and quizzing) lovely families of 3 or more, many of them actually. Noticing feelings of nostalgia when passing the baby isle or seeing a new born. Noticing the empty spare bedroom storing all the baby gear that I just hadn’t gotten around to selling. Noticing our daughters drawings with a third baby often included. Earnestly reaching out to my social workers when an abandoned baby was announced, in the hopes of bringing it home to love. Remembering the euphoria of being pregnant which i’ve shared in previous posts and even working through some of the emotions around a less than ideal birth experience. And then those birds began their unique melody each day at dusk!
It’s amazing how a sound can also be a time machine. I mean, guinea fowl aren’t exactly gifted musically so it says a lot that they’d be my portal. With each evening cackle from our local bird gang, I found my heart flood with memories of nursing my post birth newborn and the sweet sweet place of nesting that we were in as a little family. I remember the feelings of gratitude for not just 1 but 2 amazing children when, for 6 years we thought perhaps there would be none… and I specifically remember the warm afternoon sunshine streaming in on us during that time of day. (I might also remember watching quite a lot of Fixer Upper and Nashville on Netflix during that time, whilst nursing – cos kitchen, bedroom and TV room were one!) Even though so much looked like chaos around us, our match box sized rental was a perfect nesting and resting place for our hearts while we built our new house with our near bare hands and nurtured our new little family of four. In a nesting bubble… with err birdsong. What more?
Well, evidently ONE MORE 🙂
Could there be the possibility of one more to love…?
I realised that given our many years of desiring to be a family and then adopting and bringing our precious little newborn daughter home, we felt like this unmerited favour and blessing was almost ample for eternity. The fact that we then were blessed with a gorgeous son (through embryo adoption / donation), so quickly and with ease, felt too good to be true. I remember proclaiming to our maternity specialists that this was my one and only pregnancy – a surprise addition to our journey. Could we ever ask for more? And then there was the part where we built a house – which isn’t a short or small process… and life got busy. But at the end of last year, guinea fowl fuelled, we decided to knock on a couple of doors. I mean WHY NOT?! Why did I limit this miracle? We always wanted 3 children. And of course my kids are perfect, they listen the first time, have impeccable manners 24/7 and I frequently finish my own thoughts and showers, uninterrupted – this will be a cinch! ha!! Seriously now, I know it’s going to be a liiiiittle wild and woolly for a time. But that time is also short….. I am already blinking and my babies are no longer that. I’m not even allowed to call them my babies anymore. ‘Big brother’ has already proudly promoted himself and they are both eager to graduate up the sibling rung.
So we contacted our social workers around traditional adoption, with little response – and we recieved that as a door closed and we also knocked on the door to adopting another embryo. We did all of this gentle knocking with the belief that firstly, if the door didn’t open, we’d be content and trust that it was God led. And then secondly, with empathetic understanding that there are others waiting ahead of us – couples still hoping for their very first child. Having said that, i’ve also come to understand that adoption isn’t a next in line process, there are so many people, hearts, destinies and factors involved. There are placing families, professionals working with them and then there’s God’s plan. If there was any line to stand in, it was right at the back of that queue – the queue where it is all completely out of our hands. But if we knock and the door opens, we can tentatively consider walking through. We also agreed that we had a finite window period to explore this (cue zimmerframe at kids 21st birthday) and that we would give it one try only and settle in our hearts upfront, should things not proceed further. After all we already had our two too good to be trues.
Knock knock, hello gynae is all ok? Wow your uterus looks like a 21 year old 🙂
Knock Knock, hello to our much loved fertility specialist, we’d like to make an appointment to chat about whether adopting an embryo be a possibility again for us, and if not, we hope you are well. Please, come and see me, i’d love to chat!
Knock Knock, will there even be a placing family with available embryos? 3 weeks later: We have just received two donated embryos – a perfect match for your family!
Knock Knock, are all my hormone levels etc good to successfully carry a child. All is perfect, we can proceed with an unmedicated, natural cycle!!
Knock Knock, did the two little frozen embabies thaw successfully? Both embryos have made the thaw and are busy multiplying, we will see you for your transfer this morning 🙂
Knock Knock, I’m calling for my blood test results? Congratulations you are pregnant!!
Hello little miracle, you made this all too easy. We can now open that last door and air out our spare bedroom, filled with baby paraphernalia that was clearly waiting just for YOU! The third child we spoke about whilst first dreaming as a young engaged couple. The promise of many prayers through years of trusting at the feet of our King. You were always part of the plan little one – known before time began. And your sister and brother are both beyond excited to meet you too.
I’m feeling great and healthy and WE CANNOT WAIT to find out if we will be adding a little boy or girl to our fold AND to feel those first flutters… dare i say that I think I may have felt one or two already.
So thats us! Never say never!
Keep hoping.
Keep praying.
xx
NB Sidenote: We found out at our first scan that only one embaby took. We weren’t actively aiming for twins but because they were frozen together, if you thaw one, you thaw both and so for us – both deserved the best chance at continued life! So we are settled in that. God knows.
Everyday is written 